Ladies, this post is for you, although I have a sneaky suspicion guys can benefit, too. When you’re with girlfriends, how do you talk to each other? Even better, how do you talk about and talk to other women in general? Rachel Lucas posted her observations (warning: some language) on how women in their 20s address each other and behave in general. Suffice to say, I’ve heard and seen similar. And I will never understand it.
Crazy enough, all this has happened after the most liberating time in the history of women. Personally, while I suspect there are still plenty of men happy to hold women down, I believe women have become equal contributors to their own misery and lack of advancement.
For example, while I had plenty of male executives pat me on the head, I eventually gained respect from most. The women, however, mainly peers, were some of the most vicious, cutthroat adversaries that ever crossed my path.
Gossip was the order of the day, and it wasn’t limited to workplace events. Anything that took place outside of work was fair game, too. They didn’t want to see me, or any other women for that matter, succeed. Their version of success? Watching someone else fail.
Why? What drives such behavior? Why is such pleasure taken in bringing other women down? Beyond taking potshots at one another, why do women seem to revel in behavior (see Rachel’s post) that I suspect even most men would find disgusting?
For me, this issue boils down to a larger question: Who honestly believes the lowest common denominator is something to strive for?
We’ve gone from following in the footsteps of Rebecca West,
“I myself have never been able to find out what feminism is; I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute.”(link)
to girls trying to outdo each other by dancing on top of bars and making out in public.
How can women (or men) ever reach their potential when they settle? Some of the greatest changes in history happened because individuals said, “Enough. The bare minimum is no longer acceptable.” These individuals rose to the moment. I wonder what they’d say if they could see what we’ve done with the future they worked so hard to achieve.
Some might argue that I’m attacking women with this critique. I would argue that equal rights doesn’t require that you act with equal stupidity. Somewhere along the way, we started confusing equal rights with equal “bad” behavior. Will you really feel like more of an empowered woman if you get rip-roaring drunk, puke all over the bathroom, and fail to remember the name of the person in your bed the next morning?
I always thought the point of feminism was to demonstrate that women were, at minimum, the equal of men. I’m not so sure that goal included drinking an equal amount of alcohol and swearing like a sailor. The lesson I fear we’ve failed to learn as women is that just because you can do something, it doesn’t necessarily mean you should.