Comments on: Practicing Openness and Acceptance

By: Shannon Ehlers

Shannon Ehlers — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 07:58:41 +0000

Sorry Britt- I didn’t really consider them issues either, just wanted to take the chance to laugh a little at myself for being in a similar situation. I’m not really good at sarcasm.

I guess because of the people I spend time with, I don’t often get funny looks or awkward questions about being single. Further, I haven’t really tried to stay single, any more than I have actively sought to change that situation. I think, though, that I really relate to what Dave is saying. If I’m going to radically alter my way of living, then something more than a convenient domestic arrangement is required.

I think sometimes that you find yourself so connected with someone, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually, that it would be foolish to not ‘commit’ to spending at least one lifetime with that person (and unfortunate that you couldn’t spend more than one). I know that I have been that fool who ignored the possibility at least once, being too immature to recognize it for what it was.

Some people don’t believe in the idea of a soul mate, and I’m not sure I do either. But I know that occasionally, and very rarely, there is that one person who is just such a perfect complement to yourself that you’d be dumber, your life would seem worth less to you, and your entire spirit would suffer if not for connecting yourself with her (or him, as your case may dictate).

By: Britt

Britt — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 19:43:12 +0000

@Dave: Settling for comfort accomplishes little, IMHO. Comfort is relatively short-termed and makes it difficult to advance, so no, I don’t think you’re insane in that regard. We’ve defined commitment for so long as this set thing that I wonder if we’re shortchanging ourselves.

By: Dave

Dave — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 04:30:06 +0000

I never like it when I get “the look” from people as to why I’m still single. At the same time, it’s hard not to agree with them, because I must admit that I wouldn’t mind having someone around. And from a practical perspective, they’re right: Two heads are often better than one. Two sets of hands makes work less of a chore. And it’s easier to face a challenge when you’ve got someone standing with you.

It may be that the kind of commitment I want to make is more than just sex and having someone around to help do the laundry. But what do I know about it? I don’t want to settle for comfort, which might sound insane.

By: Britt

Britt — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 17:38:54 +0000

@Shannon: personally I don’t consider them commitment issues. Other people do. I simply think they are part of who I am.j

As I mentioned in the post, I’m not convinced that judgments are necessarily bad things. I just wish people were more open about the fact that they were making judgments based on differences and this urge to stash things and people in niches.

By: Shannon Ehlers

Shannon Ehlers — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 00:45:18 +0000

Hmm, I wonder if you actually have commitment issues or if you are just one of many others with similar views on a few key topics. I satisfy two of the three that you mention (currently reading four books, not married in a tiny town). Plus, I wouldn’t own a house if I could have found rent that was less expensive when I moved here. But wait there’s more, I have both Mac and PC. So I’m officially less committed than either Mac people or PC people, too.

You really sound so similar to many of the people I know – fitting nicely into our own little niche. Maybe we should round up everyone and start our own type of social networking community!

Hard to say about the judgments we make when we’re “sizing up” someone. I think we learn to know by association, so maybe it’s just our subconscious trying to assimilate information. As for good or bad, if that’s true and we are indeed actually learning, then that must be good.